Fortune Cookies |
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So I decided to just call ’em “Fortune Cookies,” and be done with it. Anyway, whatever they’re called, here are ten of ’em, randomly chosen just for you…
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"Inanimate objects are classified scientifically into three major categories - those that don't work, those that break down, and those that get lost."
— Russell Baker
"They couldn't hit an elephant at this dist---" |
"Never argue at the dinner table, for the one who is not hungry always gets the best of the argument." |
"The income tax has made more liars out of American people than golf has." |
"A banker warned the British poet Robert Graves that one could not grow rich writing poetry. He replied that if there was no money in poetry, there was certainly no poetry in money, and so it was all even." |
Very funny, Scotty. Now beam my clothes down too. |
"I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake -- which I also keep handy." |
"The best way to get on in the world is to make people believe it's to their advantage to help you." |
"There are many in this old world who hold that things break about even for all of us. I have observed for example that we all get the same amount of ice. The rich get it in the summertime and the poor get it in the winter." |
"... Man had always assumed that he was more intelligent than dolphins because he had achieved so much... the wheel, New York, wars, and so on, whilst all the dolphins had ever donw was much about in the water having a good time. But conversely the dolphins believed themselves to be more intelligent than man for precisely the same reasons." |